I'm Not Gay
by dawneh
Summary: My take on what happens next... set after the current episodes... and Craig is STILL confused!


John Paul lay back on his bed with his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Through his headphones music was pounding into his brain. He had the dial turned up as loud as he could stand, the volume finally thunderous enough to drown out his thoughts. If only he could find something that could take away the pain as easily.

He let out a frightened yelp as, seemingly from nowhere, a hand touched his shoulder.

Pushing the headphone from his ears John Paul sat upright startled to see the face of Craig Dean leaning over him.

"Did you tell her?" Craig's face was dark; his eyes filled with anger, his jaw clenched tightly as were his fists.

"Tell who…what…?" John Paul shook his head, the remains of the music still ringing in his ears, bewilderment etched across his face.

"Sarah," Craig snarled, "You told her didn't you?"

John Paul sighed the last thing he wanted was yet another argument with Craig, but it seemed inevitable.

"What would I tell her," John Paul asked, "You said nothing happened, right?"

"This is no time for games John Paul."

John Paul rose from the bed, striding across the room he turned back to Craig, his bright blue eyes flashing with anger.

"ME play games?" He growled, "You're the one who's been playing games Craig, and I'm sick of them… No… I haven't said anything to Sarah… why would I? She's my friend and I think I've done enough to betray her without rubbing her face in it!"

Craig sank to the edge of the bed, resting his head in his hands as if the weight of it was too great to bear.

"She broke up with me," he said quietly, "I just thought…"

The sadness in Craig's voice quickly washed away John Paul's anger as he moved towards his friend.

"I wouldn't do that Craig," he said gently, "Not to her… not to you…"

"Then I just don't understand why…" Craig looked up, his eyes filled with sorrow and confusion.

John Paul rested a comforting hand on Craig's shoulder, tensing for a moment as he waited for Craig to reject his act of kindness, but the rejection never came.

"You've been pretty off with her lately… with everyone… you've gotta sort yourself out Craig before you lose everyone you care about."

"Even you?"

"Maybe," John Paul admitted regretfully as he turned away, "There's only so much even I can take Craig."

"I never meant for any of this," Craig's voice was low, pleading and bemused, "I didn't plan it… it wasn't supposed to… I'm not gay!"

John Paul sighed at Craig's last words, how many times was he going to say that, who was he trying to convince?

"Craig, not again," John Paul's tone was exasperated.

"I mean it," Craig insisted, "I'm NOT gay… I don't fancy boys… I don't want to kiss them… or touch them… or sleep with them…"

"Then what was that between us?" The anger began to prickle again at the back of John Paul's mind, "Who was it that came to my house, that kissed me, brought me up here… to this room… to that bed, held me… made love to me. If you're not gay Craig then what the hell was THAT?"

"I don't know… I just… I don't fancy boys… I DON'T…" Craig turned his face to John Paul, his eyes pleading and desperate for understanding. "I don't fancy boys," he repeated in a whisper, "just you."

"Craig…" John Paul wanted nothing more that to pull his friend into his arms and tell him everything would be alright, but how could he when everything was such a mess?

"Tell me what to do…"

"I can't do that Craig… no one can… you have to decided for yourself… you have to be honest about what you really want."

"Then just tell me that you love me."

"You know I do… whatever you decide… whatever you do… nothing is ever gonna change that."

"I just don't know what to do." Craig's soft brown eyes filled with tears, which soon began to trickle down his cheeks as his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

"Oh Craig…" John Paul drew his friend into an embrace, holding him close as he wept tears of confusion, the sound of Craig's pain breaking his heart.

"Hey John Paul I thought…" John Paul's head snapped up at the voice in the doorway, Spike's words dying on his lips at the sight before him.

John Paul reluctantly let go of Craig and moved to the door, ushering Spike back into the hallway and closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry," John Paul began, "He's upset… Sarah's dumped him… he needs a friend right now and… no offence but you don't really fall into that category. Call you later OK?"

Spike barely had time to nod before the bedroom door was closed in his face. But he'd seen the look in John Paul's eyes. He knew what concern for a friend looked like and that wasn't it.

Spike had always thought that Hannah would have a threat to his relationship with John Paul; he had never thought it could be Craig. Not even after he found out about what had happened in the past. Not until he saw them together, not until he saw the look in John Paul's eyes. Not until he saw the love in Craig's.

Spike wiped away a single tear from his eye as he left the McQueen house certain that he wouldn't be returning.

John Paul brushed the tears from Craig's cheeks before wrapping his arms around his friend and holding him tight. He pressed a kiss to the top of Craig's head.

"I do love you," he whispered into Craig's hair.

Craig allowed himself to be held for a while longer, the sensation of John Paul's arms around him giving him comfort, a feeling of being loved far greater than he had ever felt in the arms of Sarah… of anyone.

Finally Craig broke John Paul's grip, his tears had dried but he was still uncertain of what he wanted now.

He looked into John Paul's face, the tender blue eyes observed him with nothing but love, no matter how much pain he had caused John Paul still loved him.

And ultimately Craig knew that it was a love he didn't want to live without, it was a love that he wanted to be a part of.

"I don't know what to do," he murmured, "Show me."

With that Craig cupped his hands around John Paul's face and pressed his lips against the softness of John Paul's mouth.


End file.
